The Power of Human Connection

I believe in the power of human connection.  We are unique from other sentient beings in many ways, but the most profound difference is our ability to connect with others.  We not only connect with other humans, but we can connect with anything.  We have an innate desire and a need to be connected, to belong, to be in harmony with our surroundings.  Our capacity for connection is transformative and magical!

For me, there are two characteristics or qualities that determine the value and sustainability of any connection.  First, the connection must be mindful.  Our ability to connect comes from a deep place of mindfulness.  Second, our connections must be meaningful.  They must bring value to our lives.  Without these two elements, connection is temporary.  While there is nothing inherently wrong with connections that come and pass, those that last and bring true joy to our lives are mindful and meaningful.

Mindful connection comes from knowing who we are as unique beings and our own sense of self-value.  A mindful connection must be rooted in self-love for without it, the energy to sustain the connection is lost.  A connection with another is enabled first and foremost by connection to our authentic self.  We cannot offer to another what we do not possess ourselves.  Mindful connection also requires our sensitivity to another.  Empathy is one aspect, but the mindful connection is deeper; it is inherently spiritual.  When we are mindfully connected to another, we know it within our spirits.  The term “kindred spirit” describes the depth of a mindful connection.  And this mindfulness isn’t a one-time event.  There is an energy that continually flows in a relationship that is rooted through a mindful connection.

The second critical aspect of human connection is meaningfulness.  A connection brings value to both beings on a regular basis.  This doesn’t mean equally at all times.  We all know of instances where what we give is disproportional to what we may be presently receiving.  We can give to another in their time of need without expectation of quid pro quo.  Authentic relationships don’t keep score.  Think, for instance, of the connection you may have with your favorite pet.  Your experience in that relationship could be different than your pet’s experience, yet both are meaningful because of the value in the connection.

Does every connection have to be both mindful and meaningful?  At some level, I say yes.  Not every connection requires deep transparency and spiritual energy, but connection doesn’t exist without a degree of mindfulness and meaning.  Otherwise, there is no need for the connection.  Connection can be shallow and context dependent, yet it still requires mindfulness (the purpose for connection) and value (meaningful) to both beings.  Otherwise, there is either no need for connection in the first place, or the “perceived” connection might be experienced as manipulation.

As we approach the holiday season, we are reminded of important life connections.  This is a time to reflect on the quality of our relationships.  If a connection is important to you, ask yourself the following questions:

   1. Am I being authentic in this relationship?  If not, what can I to do to bring more of myself into the connection?

   2. Am I being mindful of my own feelings and needs as well as the other?  Am I sensitive (and connected) enough to know for sure?

   3. What meaning does this connection have for me?  You might consider sharing that meaning with the other and expressing gratitude for the relationship.

True connection can transform our lives.  Unfortunately, we often take our deepest connections for granted.  Each connection must be nurtured and each will continually evolve over time.  We must be prepared to change with our connections if we hope to sustain, strengthen, and grow ourselves.  We can take a lesson from the way our brains work – neural paths are strengthened with exercise.  Human connections are likewise made stronger and enduring the more they are attended to; it’s the nature and gift of what it means to be human.

Duane Grove is founder of Connect2Action and an aspiring quiet, reflective servant-leader.  Curious sage in perpetual development connecting all on a journey of discovery of our highest purpose.  Follow Duane on Twitter @connect2action and connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Google+.  Learn more about Connect2Action by visiting www.connect2action.com.

You can follow his blogs at:  mindfulperspectives.blogspot.com and connect2action.blogspot.com

Winning the Survivor Game

Most of us are familiar with the Survivor reality TV series.  In the show, contestants are placed in a remote location where they undergo a series of elimination tests with one contestant ultimately being crowned “survivor”.  It’s a game of intrigue, deceit, alliances, and cut-throat behavior.  While this makes for great TV (for some), it unfortunately reflects the lives of too many of us.  Are you winning the game?

Henry David Thoreau said “most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them”.  When we live the life we believe is expected of us, we lose touch with the song that is unique to who we are.  We end up in careers chasing ever-elusive success at the expense of our authentic self.  The Survivor show looks like the boardrooms and executive suites of too many companies in our world today.  There is too much similarity between Survivor and real life.  Perhaps that is one reason why the show remains popular; too many can relate to it.

This truth has become evident to me of late.  Having left the corporate world dissatisfied with politics and games, I started my own company.  I chose to work in business strategy.  It was comfortable for me.  Many have lauded my strategist skills.  What’s more, when I formed my company, no one was surprised that I took this path.  After all, it was expected of me.  Yet after 18 months of building a client base and dispensing advice, I remained unsettled.  Something was missing.  I was living the life expected of me, but not a life true to my authentic self.  I was still playing the game.

If you aren’t familiar with the work of Brene^’ Brown, I highly recommend it.  In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection” she succinctly lays out the case for living within our authentic, imperfect self.  It’s only when we choose to embrace the uncertainty and vulnerabilities in our lives that we begin to get in touch with what makes us unique.  I wondered why my skills as an accomplished strategist seemed to suddenly become so difficult to tap as I worked to build my business.  At first, I thought it was the challenges of running my own business, typical startup inertia, the economy, etc….  There were dozens of reasons why I wasn’t growing as quickly as I had hoped.  Successful yes, but lighting the world on fire – no.

Then it began to occur to me, gradually at first and then with a rush of clarity.  The missing ingredient was passion.  I am good at strategy and have a track record to prove it.  But being good at something doesn’t mean there is passion nor that it is aligned with your authentic and unique gifts.  When we make decisions in our life informed by what others believe we’re good at, it should cause us to pause.  It doesn’t mean we are misaligned, but it should be a warning signal. When we aren't aligned, we often end up staying in the game.  We keep pursuing the elusive "success" trophy that crowns us a winner.

It’s only when what we do brings joy and contentment that we can know we’re on the right path.  So if you feel like you’re stuck on a remote island somewhere caught in a struggle to win the survival game, perhaps it’s time to get off the island and take a different path.  I have come to that realization and it's exhilarating much like it must feel when a castaway is finally rescued from their isolated existence.

For me, I accepted that I had traded one island for another when I started my strategy consulting practice.  When I took the comfortable and expected path, I found myself in familiar territory but simply swapped one set of characters for another.  It wasn't a new direction, it was simply a different place but the same game and rules.  I have chosen to leave the island - hopefully for good.  The path from here sometimes looks frightening and uncertain.  But I know this - I’m finally headed in the right direction.

Duane Grove is founder of Connect2Action and an aspiring quiet, reflective servant-leader.  Curious sage in perpetual development connecting all on a journey of discovery of our highest purpose.  Follow Duane on Twitter @connect2action and connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Google+.  Learn more about Connect2Action by visiting www.connect2action.com.

You can follow his blogs at:  mindfulperspectives.blogspot.com and connect2action.blogspot.com