Winning the Survivor Game

Most of us are familiar with the Survivor reality TV series.  In the show, contestants are placed in a remote location where they undergo a series of elimination tests with one contestant ultimately being crowned “survivor”.  It’s a game of intrigue, deceit, alliances, and cut-throat behavior.  While this makes for great TV (for some), it unfortunately reflects the lives of too many of us.  Are you winning the game?

Henry David Thoreau said “most men lead lives of quiet desperation and go to the grave with the song still in them”.  When we live the life we believe is expected of us, we lose touch with the song that is unique to who we are.  We end up in careers chasing ever-elusive success at the expense of our authentic self.  The Survivor show looks like the boardrooms and executive suites of too many companies in our world today.  There is too much similarity between Survivor and real life.  Perhaps that is one reason why the show remains popular; too many can relate to it.

This truth has become evident to me of late.  Having left the corporate world dissatisfied with politics and games, I started my own company.  I chose to work in business strategy.  It was comfortable for me.  Many have lauded my strategist skills.  What’s more, when I formed my company, no one was surprised that I took this path.  After all, it was expected of me.  Yet after 18 months of building a client base and dispensing advice, I remained unsettled.  Something was missing.  I was living the life expected of me, but not a life true to my authentic self.  I was still playing the game.

If you aren’t familiar with the work of Brene^’ Brown, I highly recommend it.  In her book “The Gifts of Imperfection” she succinctly lays out the case for living within our authentic, imperfect self.  It’s only when we choose to embrace the uncertainty and vulnerabilities in our lives that we begin to get in touch with what makes us unique.  I wondered why my skills as an accomplished strategist seemed to suddenly become so difficult to tap as I worked to build my business.  At first, I thought it was the challenges of running my own business, typical startup inertia, the economy, etc….  There were dozens of reasons why I wasn’t growing as quickly as I had hoped.  Successful yes, but lighting the world on fire – no.

Then it began to occur to me, gradually at first and then with a rush of clarity.  The missing ingredient was passion.  I am good at strategy and have a track record to prove it.  But being good at something doesn’t mean there is passion nor that it is aligned with your authentic and unique gifts.  When we make decisions in our life informed by what others believe we’re good at, it should cause us to pause.  It doesn’t mean we are misaligned, but it should be a warning signal. When we aren't aligned, we often end up staying in the game.  We keep pursuing the elusive "success" trophy that crowns us a winner.

It’s only when what we do brings joy and contentment that we can know we’re on the right path.  So if you feel like you’re stuck on a remote island somewhere caught in a struggle to win the survival game, perhaps it’s time to get off the island and take a different path.  I have come to that realization and it's exhilarating much like it must feel when a castaway is finally rescued from their isolated existence.

For me, I accepted that I had traded one island for another when I started my strategy consulting practice.  When I took the comfortable and expected path, I found myself in familiar territory but simply swapped one set of characters for another.  It wasn't a new direction, it was simply a different place but the same game and rules.  I have chosen to leave the island - hopefully for good.  The path from here sometimes looks frightening and uncertain.  But I know this - I’m finally headed in the right direction.

Duane Grove is founder of Connect2Action and an aspiring quiet, reflective servant-leader.  Curious sage in perpetual development connecting all on a journey of discovery of our highest purpose.  Follow Duane on Twitter @connect2action and connect with him on LinkedIn, Facebook, and Google+.  Learn more about Connect2Action by visiting www.connect2action.com.

You can follow his blogs at:  mindfulperspectives.blogspot.com and connect2action.blogspot.com